I went to my first swingers event on the weekend, kind of a celebration of my divorce becoming final, but also to start experiencing and learning about a different adult lifestyle, experience things I havent before and learn more about my own self.
I know that there can be some animosity between different lifestyles and ethical conundrums and being in a 24/7 dynamic with my Sir and exploring swinging does come with some challenges, eg; navigating swinging and our rules but also my own internalised ideologies and values.
So how did my first event go? First off there was my internalised struggles....
I was extremely nervous and anxious. I am not good in crowds and even worse when I know no one - a bit weird for someone who owns an adult social platform, but going to this event is about pushing myself to do scary and new things.
A lot of my anxiousness comes from my own body dysphoria and being judged by others (very superficial and something I hope these experiences will help me overcome). I am also finding that I very much am demisexual leaning so having sex without some form of connection can be difficult for me.
Then there was this anxiousness around how will I react if any play started, how will I feel etc a lot of worrying about things.
I also felt extremely overdressed for the event.... again worrying about something.
On the drive to the place my Sir and I went over the rules again and him reassuring me that it was my night and about me experiencing new things but only if I felt comfortable and ready. But there was no pressure and we didn't even have to talk to anyone. That helped and I know that he would never put me in a dangerous situation or one that I wasn't ready for.
I was even more nervous when we arrived and had our tour of the rooms and areas. They even had a bdsm room with rack and swing!
My initial impressions was sleazy but it is designed for couples and people to have sex and I had to remind myself of that lol
We played some pool and eventually sat down and started chatting with a couple. We chatted for while and spending that time getting to know them and actually helped relax me but also build a connection with someone.
My nerves got the better of me though and while there was some very soft swinging that happened near the end of the night, everyone understood that this was all new for me and taking things slower was perfectly OK, but we were keen to keep in contact. (I don't kiss and tell without express consent)
The way home was Sir and I wefr debriefing my feelings and thoughts. So here was a few of them:
Having a small audience during some mild play was a little confronting for me, but it not something I felt that uncomfortable with, that I wouldn't do it again.
Having my Sir watch me makes feel sexy and knowing I am turning him on makes me feel good.
I am keen to try again at the swingers club, and would like to try just Sir and I in a room where others can watch. No others joining in, to see if exhibionism is something I'm in to.
There's still a whole heap of feelings and thoughts but after a couple of days of being able to process I can say I had a great time, it was something new and I met a really nice couple.
Bet you looked like a million bucks and the couple couldn't stop looking at you.
Xx