This is my first blog post, I think on any website ever. So bear with me.
The reason I'm making this is to share some of what I've learned through being polyamorous for the last 8 years or so, and having multiple partners for the last 2 years or so. I'm by no means an expert, but these things are things I've noticed in others that I have talked to, or experienced myself and want anyone who is just starting their ENM journey to have access to and understand.
The first thing is probably the most important. Ethical Non-Monogamy requires more communication than a traditional monogamous relationship. Not only do you need to communicate with your partners, but you need to make sure you communicate with your metamours, or at least have your partner communicate with you about how their metamour is feeling. Some like to keep their partners separate without even discussing them, which is valid as long as you communicate that desire with your partners and they understand and agree with that. I personally like to make sure my metamours are doing okay, and if they are having any insecurities I encourage my partners to give them some extra attention to help them through a hard time. I got a little off topic but make sure all views, desires, and boundaries are communicated with a new partner. I personally like to do this during/immediately after the vetting process. Over communication is better than too little communication.
The second thing is something I noticed about a past metamours behavior. I've always heard people say they are polysaturated, and never having experienced that myself I wasn't positive what it meant. However in this situation, the persons partner who they consider their primary partner was having a hard time. They were needing a lot more attention from him than usual, and he basically cut his other relationships to the bare minimum while he focuses on this relationship for an unforseen amount of time.
This helped me define polysaturation in a way that makes the most sense to me. And that is, if you would ever have to reduce the "relationship floor" of one of your partners in order to help another, you are polysaturated. You should not enter another relationship if you will set that person aside the moment another partner needs more attention. This isn't to say the level of attentions can't change as things happen. But if you have 3 partners, and your time is spent like 40-30-30, because you have a nesting partner and two others. Then if your nesting partner needs some extra attention and rather than going 60-20-20, you instead go 98-1-1, that's not fair to your other partners.
The above is all assuming you did not communicate that occasionally this may happen at the beginning before you enter into the relationship.
This is already longer than I expected it to be, but the third thing is that jealousy can take many forms. I've always considered myself not a jealous person. It doesn't bother me when my partner has another partner and is doing things with them.
My jealousy creeps in when I get a level of jealousy that my partner and I aren't doing what we used to. Like we haven't been able to go on a date in a while. Which is more so just missing being able to spend time with my partner. But I think of it as a type of jealousy in a way. Jealousy can still happen to people who are ENM. The difference is how you deal with it, and that you don't allow those feelings to linger!
Thank you for reading this. If I messed up an explanation or if you have anything to add or discuss, please feel free to comment!
